Your Lockdown ~ My Life
{CW: This post discusses the lockdown and pandemic. Also I just want to note that none of this really relates to key workers ~ they have been amazing throughout this pandemic}
Hello friends,
I’m sure you’ve heard or even said “I can’t wait for things to get back to normal!” over this past year. While I totally understand the feelings behind this statement, the fact is a healthy / abled person’s lockdown, is many chronically ill / disabled people’s “normal life” ~ mine included. So while not being able to leave your home as freely as you would like this past year has, I’m sure, been a shock to your system, the fact is, it is a privilege that you likely took for granted! Being able to grab your coat or car keys and come and go freely, was a privilege that maybe you didn’t even realise you had until it was taken away.
For myself being predominantly housebound, when the first UK lockdown was announced at the end of March 2020 {and with each one after}, not much changed for myself regards to what I could and could not do within the rules. All these restrictions being put on your freedom to go out and do what you want, to live your life, for a housebound person those restrictions are being placed on them, not by the government of the country they live in, but by their health and their bodies ~ both are out of everybody’s control. So in short, your lockdown is effectively my everyday life and has been for a number of years.
Those feelings of wanting this pandemic to end and for life to get back to “normal” for you, I completely understand those feelings. I’ve been there, a number of years ago and those feelings don’t go away no matter how long I’ve been housebound for. Even though I feel I’ve adapted and accepted my circumstances, of course I would love to not be ill anymore, not be housebound anymore and have the freedom of going out whenever I wanted. But I do not have the power to change the fact that I have chronic illnesses that have put limitations on my life and so, although I have days where that frustration and grief catches up with me, I do my best to just keep going, focusing on what I’m able to do from moment to moment and I feel that helps me cope.
While many healthy people just want their “normal” life back because they maybe feel their world has become smaller, the UK being in and out of lockdown has actually opened up the world to those of us that live in a permanent lockdown. I know many in the chronic illness community are able to study better and haven’t had to fight to get their courses online or prove they are too sick to attend lectures in person. I know others that have been able to experience different places around the world for the first time from the comfort of their bed, because different tours are being held online.
For myself personally, I was able to hold the very first Blue Sunday Tea Party via Animal Crossing, I was also able to start a successful online Book Club with one of my friends, who I met through playing Animal Crossing and I’ve attend a tour which incorporated information and artefacts from multiple museums around the world. I’m also hoping to take part in some aspects of my local city’s LitFest this year, something I’ve never been able to do but now it’s online, I can.
Also, within my more private life, there’s an aspect that has moved from purely audio to being held on Zoom. Last March for the first time in years, I was able to see the faces of people I haven’t been able to see and that has been a wonderful blessing and helped me feel a bit more a part of that. While every week at these meetings, someone is guaranteed to say that they can’t wait until we can all meet together again, selfish as it may be, I will be sad when that day comes and I have to go back to audio meetings and I’m not the only one, there are a few of us that won’t be included in the all.
So if you’re struggling with the prolonged lockdowns and the pandemic in general, remember that by following the rules, you’re helping to save lives and that is the best reason to do so. Also instead of thinking about all the rules in place right now as restrictions, think of them as protections. Those rules are there to protect you, your family and loved ones from contracting this virus and maybe ending up becoming incredibly sick.
Personally, if I were to ignore the limits my body and health have placed on me, then I’d likely be hospitalised within a year ~ I was heading for that stage when I was diagnosed with Moderate/Severe M.E over 7 years ago. So I’ve had to learn to live within those limits and that’s meant becoming housebound, living in a permanent lockdown. But doing so means I’m better able to manage my conditions and still have a life ~ it may look like a “small, not normal life” to the outside world, but it’s my life and I’m happy with it. I wouldn’t have started this place or made the friends I have if I wasn’t sick, so for that I’m grateful.
Maybe in the future, when you gain your freedom to come and go as you please again, you’ll remember what it was like to never leave your house and give a thought to all those who never came out of lockdown with you.
Stay Safe.
L x
